Staying at home and being in a confined space all by myself has never been something I’ve been good at. Due to COVID-19 and the stay-at-home order I’ve been forced to face my struggles head on.
I’ve dealt with my anorexia for over 8 years now but now that my distractions are gone I feel like I’m spiraling downward. This pandemic has left me without a job and financial struggles.
My time is now spent in my room fighting to get out of bed. I walk to the kitchen because I’m bored or hungry. I open the fridge and stare at what haunts me most. I’m going to be honest and tell you that I indulge. I eat. Something so normal and natural but so embarrassing for me to say.
The other day I walked through the store like a zombie. My eyes were blank as I found the aisle with the scales. I stood there fighting my urge but I lost. I haven’t weighed myself in over a year.
I got home, nervous and anxious. I pulled out the scale to weigh myself. Immediately after stepping on the scale I broke down. I knew I gained weight but that confirmed it. Seeing the number broke my heart into a million pieces.
Over the past few weeks I’ve learned so much about myself. The fact that I use everything as a distraction and how I have such a need to be busy. As we trek along in this time I’m going to focus on my mental health.
To me, everything is a learning experience. So in our troubles I am taking it as something to grow from. My message to you is that I hope with whatever you’re going through, I hope you take it and love it. Whether good or bad, love the experience and love how it makes you grow. Because you are exactly where you need to be.
