Being a first-generation student, my parents and I have both looked forward to the day I’d walk across the stage at UCF and receive my diploma since what feels like the beginning of time. It’s so upsetting how the pandemic has interrupted such an important milestone for me and for so many others in my exact situation. I can't even explain how much my parents have sacrificed, not only to be in this country, but how much they’ve sacrificed to make sure my siblings and I have a real chance at education and at creating a better future for ourselves. Only something as unpredictable as a national pandemic can come to remind us how little control over our lives we really have.
Over the past weekend, I graduated, virtually of course, and mi mami asked me why I wasn’t excited and jumping for joy when they called my name. If I’m being honest, I’m not entirely sure. All I know is that it didn’t feel how I wanted. I think maybe I didn’t feel the excitement because there was nothing new and I didn’t see or feel anything I haven’t already felt before. I was waiting for the day when I’m sitting at my graduation among thousands of other students and as I scan the crowd, when I finally meet the glare of my parents, I see my dad holding back his tears, and my mom clutching on to his arm as if her life depended on it because in that moment, we both can’t tell if what we’re experiencing, what we're feeling, is actually real. I want that feeling so bad. I crave that feeling, the one that I can’t even find the words to explain but I couldn’t feel that while I was sitting on my own living room couch.
Yes, we should all try to make the best of the situation and understand that we’re all just trying to stay safe and stay at home for our own safety and the safety of others, but I am allowed to be upset. I’m allowed to cry about it, and I’m allowed to be disappointed about the circumstances that have ruined the time of my life when I was supposed to be the most proud of myself.
To my fellow graduates, you are not selfish for wishing the circumstances were different. You are not selfish for wishing you still could have had your graduation ceremony. You are not selfish for wanting more. You deserve more than you got after years of hard work and dedication to your education.
And to all of you who are just like me, a first generation Mexican American, a first generation college graduate, and the proud daughter of immigrants, let me just say estoy tan orgullosa de ti. You made it, for you, for your parents, for your siblings, and for everybody who is still working to get where we are today. Your parents are so beyond proud of you, and nothing will undermine the joy they feel right now. So, make sure you always continue to make them proud and don’t forget, no one can take this accomplishment from you, not even a pandemic.
Written by: Edith Raya
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